A Guide to Lonerism
by diceWW
Summary: Hachiman has been tasked by a certain sensei to write an article pertaining his loner status. Being the diligent student he is, he willingly (lol) did the task... is this enough of a summary? Who reads this crap anyway? -Hikigaya Hachiman (WARNING : 100% monologue/introspection)


Loner (s) - (noun) a person often seen without the presence of a companion; a person who prefers to spend time by his/her lonesome; usually referred to as a social outcast by society; when asked if s/he has friends, the loner will counter-ask with "what is your definition of a friend?"; often referred to as 'losers' by the 'normal' people, loners are more often than not seen as people with low self-esteem

The above definition is something that I have come up on my own based on the accumulated knowledge that I have gained over the seventeen years of living my life in this imperfect and cruelly unfair world. So please, if you ever find yourself disagreeing with the said definition, please feel free to do so. We are entitled to our own opinion(s) afterall. Doesn't mean that your opinion is 'correct' though. That's why it is okay for me to not give a fuck about your opinion even if you voice it out. Tee hee!

And yes, I am a loner. And I am damn proud of it. No normalfag (lol) will ever make me think otherwise. I am not envious of the numerous 'friends' that they have, nor the many activities they get to 'enjoy', neither their vigor of seemingly enjoying their 'youth', nah-uh. I am content with my status as a loner. Heck, I'd be fine even if I have to live the rest of my life alone, just me and no one else. Afterall, my being a loner is not the result of being ostracized by society. I chose to be one. A conscious decision as one might say.

…

Okay.

I may have lied. My status as a loner might have been caused by being shunned away my peers, but it was my decision to embrace it; to nurture it; to cherish it. _My precious_.

And so I wasn't really lying when I was proud of it. So would you please remove that doubtful look on your face? It's pretty disturbing… and distracting… and intimidating.

…

Ahem.

Anyways, where was I?

Ah yes right. I was just talking about how proud I am of my loner status. I have reason to you know. Being a loner has its benefits!

…

No really, it has benefits. Both for the loner and the people around him/her. And it's not just you having more time for yourself although that's one of the many benefits of being a loner. Yep, benefitS with a capital S. You wouldn't know since you are not a loner.

Heh.

Poor you.

But hey, that's the purpose of why I wrote this… whatever this is. An essay? A 101 guide? A game guide?

…

Let's just call it _A Guide to Lonerism_.

Yeah. That's it. (Wait, is _lonerism_ even a word? Whatever. It's not like you care right? People these days are 'creating' more words like _selfie, lolgasm, bromance…_ you get the point.)

Anyway, to continue my point, the purpose of why I wrote this is so that you, normalfags (lol), would be able to know what the 'real deal' with us loners is. Afterall, unlike us loners, you lot are less observant and are more prone to not having a real understanding of us loners, or anyone else for that matter (including other normalfags (lol)).

So after that long and probably boring introduction (which got me into thinking, why would anybody even think of reading this? Heck, I know that I've already stated my 'purpose' in writing this, but really, what sense is there in writing this? Oh right. Hiratsuki-sensei made me. Damn sexy attractive nagging female teachers!), without further ado, let's get it on with it. I mean, let's start with this _A Guide to Lonerism_ … thing.

…

So, to begin, let's start with the different 'kind' or 'types' or whashamaduscabalgagting… let's just go with types. I will begin with the different types of loners. For starters, let me tell you that there are at least three types of loners, the first one being the most common type of all loners, the 'I am a loner because I was ostracized by society' type a.k.a. the 'loner by circumstance'. Then we have the next type which is the 'I am a loner because I want it that way' type a.k.a. 'the loner by choice'. By the way, I belong to this type. Lastly, we have the only type that deserves the pity of them normalfags (lol), the 'I am a loner because I hide in my mom's basement and because I wet my pants when I sleep' type a.k.a. 'the ULTRA Loner'.

Of course there may still be subtypes and other types, but please, I am the one writing. If you don't agree with what I'm writing, just stop reading. It's not like this is required by your teacher or your mother or whoever is in charge of you to read this, to say it frankly, crap. But unlike you, I was required by my OH SO LOVELY sensei to write this… crap. So, if you have stopped reading by this point, I won't hold it on you. But of course, if you are still reading this, well, you have no one else to blame but yourself. Is that clear? Okay then.

Now that I have mentioned the three types of loners, I will now expound on them one by one. Let's go first with the first type that I have mentioned because that is the only logical way of doing things. I mean, when you follow an instruction guide, you don't just skip on the steps right? You follow it systematically, beginning from step 1 onto step 2 and so on and so forth. It makes things easy to follow.

O wow. I am spouting more and more bullshit by the minute. I would say that it is just my magnificent imaginative loner mind at work, but who am I kidding? It's just me spouting non-sense that seems to have a lot of sense so that I can craftily increase the word count of this crap so that it may appear that it makes sense and is worth reading, even though I have repeatedly questioned as to why anyone would bother reading this, and if it weren't for a certain BEAUTIFUL sensei forcing me to write this crap, I wouldn't even be writing this at all!

…

The 'I am a loner because I was ostracized by society' type a.k.a. the 'loner by circumstance'. There are many ways and circumstances in which a loner could be put into this type. It could be because the loner did something ridiculous enough for society to decide that it is only logical to ostracize him or her. It could be because of the loner, or more likely, the loner's family's status in society. It could be because the loner is obviously superior in so many ways that society has decided to shun him/her so that society can feel good about themselves. Or it could be just because.

Whatever the circumstances that have led up to the loner gaining his/her loner status, the fact remains that the loner became a loner not because of his/her choice but because of society's. It just shows how ugly society can really be, unwelcoming of those who don't follow its norms, or those who differ from it. You are hated, shunned, ridiculed, abandoned just because you are not as 'cool' as them; because you are a werido; because you have strange-looking eyes; because you are too perfect; because you are you.

Well fuck it. SOCIETY, I wholeheartedly raise my middle finger to you. Salute!

Want an example? Read this. There was this friend of a friend who, ever since his first immersion with society, has been ostracized by his 'peers'. The reason? It's because he has weird ey- I mean, he has weird… hair… or something. Anyway, that's not the point… actually it is. So do you get it? He was ostracized just because he was weird? Just because he was 'not normal'? I mean, is that enough reason for society to force on someone the loner status? Just because he has weird ey- I mean hair? I'd get it if this friend of a friend has done something that is deserving of such treatment. But since it was his first immersion with society, he must have not done something significant yet. So really, he was just ridiculed because of his weird ey- I mean hair GODDAMMIT!

Let me give you another example, this time on the other side of the spectrum. See I have this really existing 'friend'… well we're not really friends since she said that it's impossible for us but, for the sake of this discussion, let's just say that we are. So yes, I have this 'friend' who, to put it bluntly, has superior specs as compared to other species of the human race. She is beautiful, smart, rich, intelligent, and seems to excel at everything she does (this is an objective opinion by the way so if you're thinking that I'm speaking highly of her because I have a crush on this 'friend' of mine, keep on dreaming buddy). And because of this superiority which she wasn't even really boasting about, her peers has decided to jump on her so that they could at least feel good about themselves. They haven't even tried to strive hard to reach to her level. They chose the easy route. They just ganged up on her, bullied her, and eventually, 'broke' her.

See, no matter on which of the spectrum you are, you are not immune to the harsh treatment of society. Just be thankful that you are not one of the (un)lucky ones to have received such treatment.

...

Now, let's move on to the next loner type, the 'I am a loner because I want it that way' type a.k.a. 'the loner by choice'. I am pretty sure that it's self-explanatory, but just to be extra sure, I'll expound on it. The loner of this type has, simply put, decided for himself to be a loner. Whether it be because the loner does not deem himself/herself deserving of the company of others, or the opposite where the loner deem others are not deserving of his/her company, or the loner just finds it much more preferable to be without the company of others, the point is, the loner became a loner by choice.

Now this type of loner is probably the most interesting and most complex one. Let's just say that this type has the most sub-types of the three. And I must admit, it's pretty hard to explain them all to you. But I'd still try because I belong to this type and even I want to boast my status even though you normalfags (lol) don't find it something to boast about.

Let's see… there is this sub-type wherein the loner actively rejects all forms of socializing. Whether it is because the loner finds socializing a chore or the loner does not deem himself/herself worthy of such activity, the point is that the loner chooses not to participate in the very activity that defines society itself. Simply put, they are the anti-social loners, not that it is a bad thing of course. I mean, why participate in an activity when you're not comfortable with it right? As a consequence, loners belonging to this sub-type have little to friends at all, not that that is bad thing either. I've consider myself to belong to this sub-type but recent happenings have made me think otherwise.

The sub-type is where I have concluded that I belong. The one in which the loner does not see the point in participating in social activities but doesn't really mind if invited to one. Unlike the previous sub-type, loners of this sub-type don't actively reject all forms of socializing. They just don't find the need to be in one. So, unless you invite them to one of your social activities, don't expect them to come with you. They are asocial is what I'm trying to say. I think this the most common sub-type.

The last sub-type is a pretty tricky one to explain, but I'd still explain anyway because I just _respect_ my _LOVELY_ sensei so much! Simply put, loners of the last sub-type don't belong to the previous two sub-types… that wasn't really simple now was it? Aaaannyyway, loners of the last sub-type tend to socialize more than the previous two, but not as much as normalfags (lol) do. Come to think of it, this sub-type shouldn't really exist at all since socializing is an activity that a loner shouldn't actively participate in right? Well, let me explain. Although loners of this sub-type participate in social activities moreso than what is expected of a loner, at the end of the day, they still prefer be alone… that really doesn't make sense huh. Well I tried.

…

Anyway let's move on to the last type of loner, the third and final type of loner, the 'I am a loner because I hide in my mom's basement and because I wet my pants when I sleep' type a.k.a. 'the ULTRA Loner'.

…do I really have to expound on this? I mean, the name of the type should give you an idea on what this type of loner is. You know the ones right? And you know how pitiable and disgusting they can be. You don't even have to personally know one just to know how terrible of an experience it is to be in the presence of one. And oftentimes, loners of this type are beyond redeemable. So please, could I just skip on expounding on this one?

Wait.

Why am even asking for you permission? It's not like you're still reading this. And I am the one writing anyway so I say SCREW IT! Let's skip this one!

And oh, if you are a normalfag (lol) and feel pity for loners of this type, feel free to do so. They deserve it and they should know that they deserve it. I am not even going to defend them even if I am a loner myself, though a different type from them.

MOVING ON!

Now that I have discussed the different types of loner, let's move on to the real meat of this _A Guide to Lonerism_ … thing. _Ohhh!? What is it Hachiman_ you ask? Well let me say this first, thank you for your obviously sarcastic expression of interest. As someone who was _requested of_ to write this crap, I really appreciate it.

I think I have already mentioned it during the earlier parts of this... crap. But just to refresh your memory, I am referring to the part where I said the being a loner has its benefits, particularly for the loner himself/herself, and the people around him/her.

Let's start with one of the benefits that I have already mentioned: having more time for yourself. And I'm not just talking about the loner. If you are someone who is somehow associated with a loner, you should have an idea of what I mean. It should be common knowledge that loner prefer to be by his/her lonesome. Which means that if you have a loner for a friend, you have at least one friend who won't demand much of your time. Which, incidentally, results to having more time for yourself. It's simple really. Of course if you are someone who prefers to be with his/her friend for most of the time, then you might not find this a benefit at all. But eh, it's not like there are no drawbacks for befriending non-loners so why would it be any different with befriending a loner right?

Another one of the benefit, this one for the loner only, is that since the loner is by his/her lonesome, he can do whatever it is that s/her wants without having to worry about protests or negative reactions from anyone. The number of activities that the loner can do may be limited to those one can do alone, but as long the loner is doing something that s/he really wants, it's fine right?

Come to think of it, the previously mentioned benefit could be applied to those who are associated with a loner albeit to a lesser extent. What I mean is that, unless the activities of that someone affect/involve the loner, it is likely that the loner won't give a shit about what that someone would do resulting to less protests. Of course, if that someone has involved somebody else aside from the loner in his/her activities, then there still may be dissenting opinions. But hey, atleast that someone doesn't have to worry about the loner right?

If you are not a loner yourself, then you'd have the benefit of being able to ask to opinion/thoughts of one. To put it in other words, you have the benefit of looking things from a loner's perspective. Not to brag, but I often find it that the perspective of a loner (not counting the ULTRA LONER) is far more superior to that of the perspective of a non-loner. And I'm not saying that because I am a loner myself. It just is.

Oftentimes, since the loner does not the care about socializing, the loner has the benefit of not stressing over the opinion of others (especially in the case of the ULTRA LONER). This in turn results to the loner (even moreso the loner by choice) having a higher self-esteem, which is pretty ironic since non-loners view loners to be creatures of low esteem. Of course this is not applicable to all loners since there are those that are just irreversibly low in self-esteem, and nothing can make them do otherwise.

But maybe the most important benefit of someone being associated with a loner, granted that you're association with the loner is not just a weak one such that of a mere acquaintance, then that someone should be grateful for the fact that s/he know of someone who isn't fake like most normalfags are. What I mean is, if you have been able to make the loner acknowledge that you are at least friends, you very damn well believe that the loner meant it. Oftentimes, it is very hard to break the wall put up by the loner, and it should take a ginormous amount of effort for a loner to trust someone other than himself/herself. So if you have been able to do such a feat, please do not downplay it. Do not treat it lightly as you treat your relationship with non-loners. And be very sure that you know that you have a true friend in the loner.

…

Well I think that's it. I could still write a lot more bullshit but I don't have to because I have already reached the minimum word count required by oh so LOVELY sensei (not counting this paragraph). So I won't. Besides, it's not like you'd take this one to heart right? Well, if you have been to read this far, then congratulations on putting up with my… bullshit. And I hope you enjoyed and learned by reading this _A Guide to Lonerism._

Adieu.


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